Christian Attitude towards Marriage
The Lord Jesus
Christ, Who came to earth to restore the Divine moral foundation to human
society, concerned himself also with restoring the marital union. By His
presence at the marriage at s in Galilee the Lord blessed and sanctified the
marriage and performed his first miracle there. Later, the Lord elucidated to
the Jews the true significance of marriage. Referring to the Scriptures
regarding the union between man and woman, the Lord reinforced the principle of
indissoluble marriage in definite terms:“Thus
they (man and woman) are no longer two, but one flesh. And thus whom God has
joined together, let no man separate.” The Sadducees, however, continued to
question the Savior, “How is it that
Moses permitted that a man might divorce his wife by a certificate of
dismissal?” To which the Lord replied:“Moses
permitted divorcing a wife because of your hardness of heart, but it was not
like that in the beginning. But I tell you: he who divorces his wife for any
cause other than adultery and marries another commits adultery” (Matthew
19:3-9). In other words, a person entering marriage is required to remain in
it. The breaking of marital fidelity is disobeying God's will and, therefore, a
grievous sin.
These words of our Savior permit
us to understand the complete value, seriousness and responsibility of
marriage. But in the true Christian psychology of wedlock, the seeming burden
of marriage becomes light and joyous. With God's help, granted during the
Sacrament of Marriage, spouses can amicably, peacefully and cooperatively bear
the joint burden of family life. And to the contrary, devoid of a Christian
outlook on marriage, it at times becomes unbearably heavy and a mutual torment.
Marriage is a great shrine and
saving state of a person's life when it is properly regarded. Marriage is the
foundation of a family, and a family is a small church of Christ. It is the
family that is the meaning and purpose of marriage. Present-day fear of having
a family with children is the result of faintheartedness, a source of both
dissatisfaction and anguish in marriage. Christian upbringing of children is
the goal and joy of the family; it gives meaning and justification to marriage.
Yet even if the spouses are
childless, the marriage does not lose its meaning. This makes it easier for the
spouses by mutual love and mutual help to live a Christian life. The Apostle
Peter in his first epistle directs the wives to imitate the lives of ancient
righteous women and to be gentle. He directs the husbands to treat their wives
with understanding, as a fragile vessel, to show them respect as co-heirs of
the grace of eternal life (I Peter ch. 3).
The Apostle Paul in his first
epistle to the Corinthians writes about the marriage vows:“Now to the married it is not I who commands, but the Lord: A wife is
not to divorce her husband. But even if she does divorce, she must remain
unmarried or be reconciled with her husband. And a husband is not to leave his
wife. But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any man has a wife who does not
believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not leave her. And a
woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with
her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the
wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your
children would be unclean, but now they are holy” (I Cor. 7:10-14). These
words of the Apostle have special significance for our contemporary society, in
which so often only one of the spouses is an Orthodox Christian or at least
believes in God.
The Apostles in their epistles
speak of the dependent role of woman in marriage. They do not belittle her by
this but have in mind her origin and nature, more complex and fragile,
requiring special care:“For man is not
from woman, but woman from man. It is not man who was created for the woman,
but woman for the man (as his friend and helpmate). And for this reason the
woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, for of the angels.
Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of
man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through
woman; but all things are from God” (I Cor. 11:8-12).
In the above Apostolic teaching
we see the early Christian attitude towards marriage: husbands and wives are
co-workers in God. They are absolutely equal as members of the Kingdom of God
and inheritors of eternal life. Nevertheless, the difference between them as
determined by their nature, their origin and their guilt for the fall from
grace is not lost. The wife was created to be a helpmate to the husband, but
not the husband for the wife (although he is born of the wife). The wife, in
human significance and God's plan, is equal in everything to the husband, but
in practical aspects she is his helper and dependent on him, and the husband is
the head of the wife; “So they will live by the will of God,” says one of the
prayers of the Sacrament of Marriage.
Further, the Apostle Paul in his
epistle to the Ephesians teaches Christian wives regarding their responsibilities
to help their husbands:“Wives be subject
to your husbands as though to the Lord; for the husband is the head of the
wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church. Christ is, indeed, the Savior
of that body (i.e., the Church) but just as the Church is subject to Christ, so
are the wives subject to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24). It
might seem that in obliging the wives to obey their husbands, the Apostle
belittles their human worth. But that is absolutely not so. Here the Apostle
describes the ideal marital relationships. The Church obeys Christ as its
Savior and benefactor. This is not slavish subordination but an impulse of
responsive love.
Clarifying this, the Apostle
also gives the husbands the necessary instruction regarding their responsibilities:“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse
her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself
as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that
she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself… For this reason
a man shall leave his father and mother and be cleaved to his wife, and the two
shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery” (Eph. 5:25-31).
In
his first epistle to Timothy, the Apostle Paul speaks about motherhood as a
woman's primary mission in life. “Woman
will be saved through motherhood” (I Tim. 2:15). Motherhood consists not
only of giving birth to a child and caring about his welfare but also
especially in planting in his soul the basis of faith and morality. It is necessary
that a child learns the beginning of goodness along with his “mother's milk” so
that it will penetrate into his subconscious and will become part of his
nature. This is accomplished by the constant presence of mercy, forgiveness and
mutual building up within the family. There should be every expression of true
love as is generally found in those who are holy.
Here is the Christian ideal of
love:“Love is patient and kind, is never
boastful, never conceited, never rude; love is never selfish, never quick to
take offense. Love keeps no score of wrongs, takes no pleasure in the sins of
others, but delights in the truth. There is nothing love cannot face; there is
no limit to its faith, its hope, its endurance. Love will never come to an end”
(I Cor. 13:4-8). Then the child, even though he might come under some bad influence
later in his life, can, being directed by his spiritual impulse, return to God.
Contemporary mothers need to understand the seriousness and responsibility of
their mission: the future of human society and the Church depends on them.
In his epistle to the
Colossians, the Apostle Paul writes about the relations among members of a
family in this way:“Wives be subordinate
to your husbands; as is befitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do
not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for that is
pleasing to God. Fathers do not exasperate your children, so they may not
become discouraged” (Col. 3:18-21). By these words of the Apostle each member
of the family is given proper instruction.
Such is the natural and basic
law of huan nature: the husband is the support of his wife and the head of the
family, responsible for the material and spiritual welfare of all the members
of the family. The wife is the husband's support, responsible for the
upbringing of the children. Children are helpers to the parents and are as
though “citizens” of their small kingdom. The established disparity in the
family roles is dictated by nature itself and is necessary for harmonious
existence and development of the family.
Each person, as a member of a
family, community, and the Church, performs in this temporary life specific
service or “obedience” that is necessary for the common welfare. In the Kingdom
of Heaven there will be no difference in the existing sexual, racial and social
distinctions between people. Human responsibility to God is in proportion to
ones duties, but the reward in heaven is determined not by the status or
privilege that he had in the community but by the effort with which he carried
out his service. Before God all people are equal; the access to God's benevolence
and to eternal bliss is open to all.
When both married spouses behave
in a Christian manner towards their marital responsibilities, this behavior
serves to strengthen their mutual respect and true love. Having this in mind,
St. John of Kronstadt taught newlyweds:“Where there is love, there is God; and
where there is God, there everything is good.”
No comments:
Post a Comment